Mommy Guilt

When I finished work, I decided I would keep Maxton in daycare to keep his routine the same, and to allow me time to get things done in preparation for the baby. A part of me felt awful for sending him to daycare while I was home, but at the same time I know he loves going and playing with his little friends.

Last week daycare was closed Friday and Monday so Maxton had a “long weekend”. When I went to bring him back on Tuesday, he lost it. He clung to me and cried “Mama”. Being as hormonal as I am, I started to break down and tried to pump up daycare and how much fun he would have. I ended up passing him over to my daycare provider and ran out the door crying and feeling like THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD. Within two minutes, my daycare provider texted me saying he was completely fine and eating a snack. He had an awesome day and was fine the rest of the week.

I hated the feeling of guilt I had keeping him in daycare while I was home; but I know it was important for me to rest before the baby came, and to keep his routine the same. We are going to keep him in daycare full-time until the end of September, to allow me time to recover, and then just two days a week to keep him used to the environment and routine, for when I go back to work.

Daycare aside, Maxton totally knows something is up. He has been tantruming more the last few days (I know it’s an age thing), and is much more clingy. For the past two days he cries hysterically when we try to put him down for his nap or to bed. This kid is smart. I know he will be okay for my Mom and sisters, I just can’t believe how=in-tune he is, and how he is picking up on the change that is about to come.

I feel so sad and heartbroken that I have to leave him for a couple of days, and hope he really doesn’t notice my absence too much. I know that giving him a sibling is one of the greatest things I could do for him, so I just have to keep thinking about that.

Maxton, you will always be my baby boy, and Mama loves you so very much.

photo35

xo

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One thought on “Mommy Guilt

  1. Pingback: Mommy Guilt Part II | Mama's Baby Steps

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